Instead of Hovering

Instead of hovering on top of life
I have descended down the staircase of longing
And been nourished there.
Instead of holding back from
Everything that feeds me,
I have feasted
And my flesh shows it.
My bones have changed.
My mind is no longer a fugitive
Inside a cluttered skull,
But a small observer
Of the three-dimensional shape
My soul has grown into.
I think from my belly now.
Understandings come without explanation
Or mental processes.
No words
Only perception, starlight
The net of time.
A fierce knowing,
Unquestionable strength.
No need to push further -
What I need is already arising.
Surrendering to a fight is not losing,
But allowing a greater force to animate and
Carry you where you belong.
You don't realize you belong there
Until a few moments after you arrive,
Unblinking,
And recalibrate your heartbeat.

...

August 29, 2011
Journal Entry

Today I cleaned all day, scrubbed the bathroom, cleaned the refrigerator from years of roommates moving in and out. It all feels so real now. Moving out, applying for my India Visa, chatting with Emily about her travels abroad. She shared many insights learned from doing non-profit work in Jamaica and Sri Lanka for six years. She said it's best to educate someone, to teach a local person some skills and work as a team, rather than just being handed something and doing all the work yourself. That way the organization can have something valuable to continue with when you go away. Emily shared her story of how she started a non-profit that served Lesbian, Bi, and Trans women in Jamaica, how it grew organically from a need expressed by those women. What a beautiful friend, and beautiful memories. All over a delicious dinner of butter chicken and veggie curry at Kuan Yin Teahouse.

This morning was cloudy and chilly.
Tonight was windless, clear, and warm.
I collected old sparklers
Left over
From last year's Fourth of July,
And danced with them
Amongst the plum, pear, and pine trees
In the back yard.
I have come to know these trees well.
I have prayed, sung, danced, and cried
Outside
In their presence
For a whole year.
They have become my friends.